How to Save a Life
by woolSmynx
Summary: Post-JE. The Doctor just wants to talk to Donna. NOT a song-fic; it was just inspired by the song.


_Hello, people! If you're here because of KWMS and you thought I had a new story for you... Sorry, you are completely in the wrong place... and you shouldn't expect anything for a while... again, sorry..._

_As for everyone else! Hello! This is my first ever Doctor Who story, so I'm very excited about it. I just thought I should explain though, that this was SUPPOSED to be HAPPY. It obviously did not end up that way, but I like the ending too much to change it. Even though I'm horribly in denial about EoT. Please enjoy and review!  
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**Spoilers:** All of Season 4 and EoT

**Disclaimer:** If I owned it, all of the season 4 specials and EoT wouldn't even exist!

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><p><strong>How to Save a Life<strong>

The Doctor steeled himself and walked into the cozy cafe. Brushing off the hostess with an apologetic smile, he headed over to the booth where a ginger and her friend were talking animatedly about some program they had seen the night before.

"Donna?" he said. "I'd like to have a talk with you."

Before Donna could reply, her friend jumped into the conversation. "Oh, that's fine with me, Donna. My lunch break is almost over anyway. And you have the whole day off today, don't you?" She beamed at the Doctor. "Don't let her bully you into leaving. I'll see you later, all right, Donna? Have fun!" With that said, she swept out of the cafe.

"Actually, I should be leaving too," Donna told the Doctor, reaching for her purse. "I have stuff that I um... yeah. So, I'll see you around, right?"

The Doctor didn't move. "Donna, please. I just want to talk."

Glancing between the closing cafe door and the Doctor's serious, mournful eyes, Donna finally sighed quietly and settled back into the booth. The Doctor quickly took the seat where her friend had just been sitting moments before. Folding her hand and setting his chin on his interlaced fingers, the Doctor stared not _at _Donna, but _through_ her.

After a few very long, awkward, silent minutes, Donna's polite smile had completely slipped off entirely. "Well, if that's all," she said half-jokingly, "then I think I'm just going to go, John."

At the word "John" the Doctor shook himself out of his trance. "John?" he repeated.

"You didn't think I remembered you, did you? John Smith, right? I never forget a face, me. Best temp in Chiswick," she said, smiling winningly. Then her smile faltered. "Or at least, _was_," she said quietly.

"What do you mean 'was?'"

"It's just this whole memory thing," Donna explained dismissively. "I mean, you were there. Ever since this whole funny turn thing, the agency has thought that I'm not as reliable because I can't remember two years, although I still know everything else."

"Oh, Donna. I—I'm so sorry."

Donna shrugged. "It's not your fault."

"But really, Donna. I'm sorry." The Doctor placed his hand over hers on the table and looked at her beseechingly. "I'm really so very, very sorry."

Blinking back sudden tears, Donna laughed him off. "It's fine, really, it is." Taking her hand back, she folded them in her lap. "Besides, it's all starting to work out again. They're trusting me again, so there's not as much of a problem anymore. So, why were you so quiet, John?"

"Oh, I was just thinking about how I should start."

"Start what?"

"Start.." he said, waving between them, "_this_."

"What, you're asking me out?" Donna asked incredulously. "I'm sorry, Mr. Smith, but I barely know you. All I know is that you're a friend of Gramps, and that you're wearing the same suit you were the first night I saw you. Besides, I have a kind-of boyfriend, so I think I really ought to be going—"

"Donna," the Doctor interrupted. "No, that's not it. That's not why I'm here. I meant 'this' as in this conversation. "I've never had to have this conversation before... I don't even know if this is the right thing to do," he muttered to himself.

"Well, you'll never know until you try, right? So come on, Skinny, out with it."

Smiling at the familiar nickname, the Doctor haltingly plunged into his story. "It's sort of hard to explain. Because I know all about you, but you don't know anything about me. And I don't really know how long I have to explain all of this without triggering anything, but you'll definitely need a full explanation, otherwise you'll slap me or something," he told her, absentmindedly stroking his cheek where she had slapped him so often in the past.

"Oi! What gives you the right to say something like that about me?" Donna demanded.

The Doctor smiled cheekily at her. "Because I knew you were going to say something like that."

Donna bristled visibly, but still maintained her polite facade. "All right then, let's start with something easy. What's this all about?"

"Those two years. That's how I know you, Donna. We were friends, best friends, for those whole two years. That's why I know you like nobody else does. We traveled together, and you... oh, you were brilliant. Well, I was too, but you were just... _amazing._ Donna Noble, absolutely brilliant. And the things we did. And—" His whole looked darkened. "Well, it wasn't all brilliant. Pompeii for one... there were some truly awful things that happened, Donna," he said, looking carefully into her eyes. "I don't want you to think that it was all wonderful all the time, because it wasn't. And there were so many things I wanted to show you too, but then... Well, we didn't end up having time."

The Doctor paused, gauging Donna's reaction. When she didn't say anything, he continued on. "This whole situation right now, with you, with your life, it's... wrong. Temping, and being still, and watching telly, and reading those rags, and..." he cut off at the murderous look on Donna's face.

"Who are you to tell me anything about my life choices?" she hissed. "Just because you claim that you know me doesn't mean anything at all! You have no right to even suggest anything about my life. If you weren't Gramps's friend, I would call the police right now. Good-bye, Mr. Smith." Donna grabbed her purse and was out the door before the Doctor could even move. In a split second, he was chasing after her.

"Wait! Donna, please wait!" he called after her retreating back. She refused to turn around and walked faster.

Jogging, the Doctor quickly caught up and fell into step with her. "I'm sorry, Donna. I didn't mean anything by it. Please, I'm sorry, but I really do know you." Seeing the stony look on her face, the Doctor started spouting out every bit and bob about her that came to his head. "Your favorite color is purple. You hated your hair in high school, dyed it black for two days before your mother got back from a trip and made you wash it out. You were known as the Little General by your father and Wilf when you were young. You threw a tantrum once that lasted for two days just because you didn't want to take a bath. Please, Donna," The Doctor stopped in front of her and faced her, forcing her to stop as well. "I _do_ know you."

"Those are all things that Gramps could have told you," she sniffed, and stepped around him to continue walking.

"Donna." The Doctor caught her hand. She jerked her arm but the Doctor was not going to relinquish his grip.

"Let. Go." She said shortly, refusing to look at him.

Ignoring her demand, the Doctor said softly. "You hated your hair because Grant Juer, whom you fancied at the time, told you that your ginger hair made it hard for any boy to look at you because it was so hideous. Your friend Jessica gave you the hair dye and helped you dye it in her bathroom and you accidentally stained the sink permanently. Her father was so angry that Jessica was grounded for a month, and she refused to talk to you for three days. She then ended up dating Grant and that was the end of your friendship."

Donna gaped at him in shock.

"Your two-day tantrum was supposedly about a bath, but your father was going on a business trip. You knew he would cancel the trip if Sylvia couldn't get you to listen, so you threw a tantrum to keep him at home. Afterward, you felt so guilty that one night when he was asleep on the sofa, you came to him crying and apologized. Then you both sneaked into the kitchen and finished off his secret chocolate ice cream stash."

"How... how do you..." Donna faltered.

"Because you told me," the Doctor said, smiling gently. "C'mon. Let's find somewhere to talk."

Still holding her hand, the Doctor led the now silent ginger to the park and sat down on a bench.

"So... do you believe me?" he asked.

"Yeah..." Donna said quietly. "I mean," she gave a weak laugh, "how could I not? That's all stuff I've never told anyone before. Not even Gramps."

"Then this is where it gets... well, I wouldn't say complicated, but it certainly isn't simple. I'm just worried that you might hate me for this..."

"For what? Just spit it out."

"The reason you don't remember anything of those two years, Donna. That's... that's my fault."

"What do you mean?" Donna looked at him, confusion evident on her face.

"I mean that I..." the Doctor couldn't look her in the eye. "I took your memories, Donna. I had to!" He met her gaze and was held there as he tried to explain. "You were going to burn otherwise and I couldn't... I couldn't think of anything else! I couldn't just let you die. It was the only thing that would work and I... I... I took them," he finished brokenly.

"What do you mean 'you took them'? You can't just take away memories."

"But I can, Donna," the Doctor said very quietly. He put his hands to either side of her head on her temples and she violently flinched away. "See?" he continued. "Your subconscious remembers, even if you don't actually know why."

"So... so everything of those two years," Donna said, trying to puzzle it all out. "All of it? You took all of it away? My father's death? Planets in the sky? You're the reason I started having horrible nightmares?"

"Yes."

Cringing, Donna persisted. "If everything was so amazing and wonderful, why would you take that away from me? What could have possibly happened that you felt like you had to take away my memories!" Donna's voice started rising in volume. "Do you know how I've felt about those two years for months and months now? Broken! Empty! Like there's something missing!"

The Doctor shrank, not at her loud voice, but the barbed words that were hitting him straight to the core. "Donna, you were going to die..." he began.

Donna stood up. "That doesn't even make any sense! How can memories possibly kill someone?"

"I can't explain it..."

"Oh, and why not? After all, you've so clearly explained everything else, haven't you?" said Donna, her sarcasm biting.

The Doctor took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I—"

"Stop it!" Donna broke in. "Stop apologizing if you aren't going to tell me exactly what you did." Wearily she sat back down on the bench and looked the other way.

"Donna, I, well you, but I..." the Doctor faltered. "I have a choice for you. I can give you your memories back, but you might... die. I have a plan, but I don't know how well it's going to work. So you can stay with your life now, or you could come traveling with me..." he looked at her as she slowly turned around.

"And be brilliant?" she finished for him, tears sparkling in her eyes.

He nodded emphatically, a smile breaking out on his face.

Donna slowly shook her head, a regretful smile on her face. "I'm sorry, but no," she said gently. "I'm not..." she paused as she caught the stricken look on his face, and she hastened to explain. "I'm not the same person you knew before. I may not have all my memories, but my life, well, it's starting to work out again. My job is looking up, I have someone who fancies me, and even my relationship with Mum has gotten better. I just... I'm sorry."

"I know," the Doctor whispered.

Donna put her hand on his shoulder for a moment, and then stood.

"I'll see you around, all right, John?"

"Yeah," he said weakly. "Bye, Donna."

"Bye, John."

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><p>Donna started walking away. When she was almost out of the park, she took another glance back at the man on the bench. He had put his face in his hands, and sat there, unmoving. Her heart clenched painfully. Somehow, leaving him behind felt all wrong. Tearing her gaze away, she took a deep breath and left the park.<p>

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><p><em>I didn't WANT it to end like that! It just sort of happened! This was going to be a fix-it! I like fix-its. They put things back the way they're supposed to be. Well, I hope you liked it... 'cause I've been really on the fence about posting this...<em>


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